Farewell to Four Loko (Part One)

A brief list of attempts at epic nights gone wrong.


Trying to drink four Four Loko:
One night, several days after a binge involving three cans of Four Loko, a lot of pizza, and a horrendous hangover, I decided that I would try to do the impossible idiotic best I could at attempting suicide without actually meaning to.  According to an urban legend, four Four Loko is actually supposed to make someone go crazy...I don't know where I heard this urban legend and I'm not even sure if it's true, but I decided to go for it.  The first loko went down like candy, as always.  The second loko had me feeling a little warm in the cheeks and a bit like killing some small children.  Halfway through the third loko, I knew that the task at hand was not something to be fucked with, but I had pride to maintain so I soldiered on.  When I opened the fourth and final Four Loko, my housemates, so I'm told, were considering taking me to the hospital, but I was walking fine, running faster than anyone had ever seen, and I was talking in complete sentences.  Before I could finish the fourth and final loko, I threw it at a stop sign and screamed "Let's go to the bars!" before promptly passing out on the couch in the living room.  I awoke the next afternoon to a headache that is indescribable, a trashcan full of puke, and what tasted like I imagine a family of dead field mice might taste like all through my mouth.  Never again, Four Loko. You win.


Tequila chased with Loko:
Crazier things have been done, I know, but this was pretty epic.  Feeling pretty good about ourselves, my buddy and I decided that our phase where we would split a pint of Bacardi 151 by doing straight shots before the bars was old news.  We moved on to bigger and better things.  A pint of tequila chased with some yummy Four Loko was the new task at hand.  Apparently, tequila and four loko is the recipe for me to pass out and for him to have a great night.  I awoke the next morning on the floor, face down next to my couch with photos of me taken on my own phone by my friends... Thanks guys.